Two Birds, One Stone

Title: Two Birds, One Stone
Author: linaerys
Pairing: Ed/Rob
Rating: R, not graphic though
Summary: Gay sex in a library
Author's Note: (1) Chelsea is the gay neighborhood of Manhattan. Believe me, I know, I live there. (2) I wasn't planning on writing about Ed, but look how cute he is. Like a dorky Hugh Grant.


Two Birds, One Stone

“. . . So if you want to have gay sex, or go to a library, tonight is probably your last chance. As for me, well, I’ll be killing two birds with one stone. Back to you, Jon.”

“Thank you, Ed,” he said with a barely suppressed smile.

Jon nodded to the A/V intern who stopped the tape. “Good show, good bit. This is, as I said, a very gay show.”

“Well, you make it so,” called out Rob.

Jon smiled blandly, and said, “What’s next?”

Ed leaned over to Rob and whispered, “Someone’s been watching too much West Wing,” loud enough for Jon to hear and comment if he wanted to, but no so loud he had to. Rob made a face.

Were you serious about that? he wrote on his clip board.

Ed wrinkled his forehead theatrically and mouthed “What”.

Two birds, one stone, Rob wrote. Then he drew an exaggerated penis and balls and drew some arrows indicating what was a bird and what was a stone. Rob’s pornographic sketches had a certain flair and it wasn’t the first time one of his doodles made Ed laugh out loud during a meeting.

Ed kept himself under control, barely, and wrote back, Have you been looking at photos of Dick Cheney again? Then as an afterthought, I didn’t write that bit.

Rob was about to write something else when Jon interjected, “You two have something to add? If you’re going to pass notes, I should read it to the whole class.”

Ed fake-coughed into his hand. “Well,” he said with a sideways glance at Rob, “we thought about maybe bringing back the gay-sex-in-a-library thing for another go. Maybe some kind of protest?”

“Hmmm,” said Jon. “No, I think that’s really a one-time joke. If the Anti-Marriage amendment comes round again, maybe then. Now, what’s the likelihood we could get John Ashcroft to come on the show? Can someone look into it? I’d at least like to report what his secretary said when we asked.”

Ed turned back to his notebook. Rob had written on it again. Yeah, but you sounded like you meant it. Ed felt a little flush growing. He put his arms over the paper to end the conversation.

After the meeting Ed went back to the dressing room he shared with Rob. Neither of them were doing a segment tomorrow, instead Stephen was doing some commentary, Lewis Black had his bit and Samantha was interviewing another Southern Republican, this still angry about desegregation. She was always good at skating right on the edge of pissing them off while working the woman thing to its fullest advantage.

Rob came in while he was checking his face for traces of makeup before leaving for the evening. “You look better without glasses,” he said.

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” said Ed without turning his head, but he could feel Rob doing a phony pout behind him. “You think Jon knows, and that’s why I got that line?” he asked, turning around.

Rob had his shirt off, and was pulling off his pants as well. “I don’t think he cares one way or the other,” he said. “Just ‘cause you have a big crush on him,” he continued in a slight sing song.

Ed smiled obliquely. “Nah, he’s too nice a guy. You know I go for the assholes.” He grabbed Rob and kissed him hard and probing before he had a chance to react. Rob seemed surprised for a moment, then relaxed into it and let his body melt against Ed’s. “So a library, huh?” he asked after he disengaged. “What do you think, the Mid-Manhattan branch, or what?”

“Maybe. There are some stacks no one’s been in for years, but that one is kinda busy,” he said with a grin like a little boy about to get away with something naughty.

“What about Chelsea?” asked Ed.

“I don’t know,” said Rob. “I know a good spot in that one, but it’s usually taken.”

“Slut,” said Ed.

Rob smiled again. “Not like the guys in Chelsea.” His eyes widened theatrically. “Believe me, they make me look celibate.” Then he smirked, “You wouldn’t know, living out in Park Slope.”

They discussed a few other possibilities, then settled on Chelsea. Ed took off his glasses, not just because Rob liked him better without them, but also because he really didn’t want to be recognized on this trip. Rob wore a baseball cap, but then again he was a little embarrassed about his ever-growing bald spot. They sat next to each other as they rode the A train downtown from the studio.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing a Red Sox cap out in public,” said Ed under his breath. “We’re going to get beat up by some Yankee-fan queen in Chelsea. Armando.”

Rob rolled his eyes. “Guys named Armando generally don’t care about baseball. You need to get out more.”

Ed thought this was probably a stupid idea, but when they walked into the Chelsea branch of the New York Public Library, he felt a little catch of excitement in his throat. They went down to the basement, behind the old card catalogues. The room was quiet like a tomb, and filled with the dusty smell of old books. Ed loved that smell. Still, as his ears became accustomed to the quiet he noticed a small sound: quick breathing, growing quicker.

Rob put his finger to his lips and widened his eyes, motioning for Ed to be quiet. He peered over high cabinet that held J-M of the card catalogue. Ed thought he detected a slight smile on Rob’s face. “They’ll be done soon,” he said in a whisper.

Sure enough, two middle aged, be-spectacled men soon made their way out from between the stacks. Rob grabbed a cart full of books and herded Ed into the little grotto between the huge pieces of furniture. “We should make this quick,” he whispered into Rob’s ear when they were ensconced within their little fortress. Rob leaned in and bit Ed’s lower lip, just hard enough to sting.

“Of course,” he said, before dropping down to his knees. Later he might exact some revenge for Ed’s timidity, but now Ed couldn’t think about that, because it was taking all his effort to remain standing as Rob did terrible and wonderful things with his mouth and hands. Ed didn’t want to close his eyes because he had to keep a look out, but finally he had to, and had to bite on the inside of his cheek to keep from making a noise, to keep from breathing too hard.

Afterward, Rob stood up and tucked Ed’s shirt back into his pants. “Did you have fun?” he asked, cocking one eyebrow. Ed nodded, not trusting himself to speak without stammering. “Good, because this isn’t even the good spot. Let’s go upstairs to the women’s health section. No one goes in there.”