FIC: Good Ideas

firestorm717 and pirosho's cute little Rob/Ed implication had me squealing with delight -- I love that pairing like nobody's business, and I was craving some fic, but there are only so many times I can read 'Two Birds' over and over without wanting more. So I wrote some! ;D

Consider it a gift of sorts! Christmas or whatever you celebrate -- happy holidays! Love you guys! (Even if you like Mo/Jon. Or Tucker. And even if I think it's cute too and just hate to admit it. *shifty-eye!*)

Title: Good Ideas
Author: c8kesniffer_cor
Rating: Uh. No idea. Soft R? It's not smut, but it's more action than I ever let Stephen and Jon see.
Pairing: Rob/Ed, implied Jon/Stephen, and the lingering traces of my squee! for Ed/Sam or Rob/Sam or trio!love.
Description: Ed's such a whiny thing when he's jealous.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual person is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'Viacom', any associated entites, or any copywrited material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, and is not intended to infringe upon any copywrited material.


Rob's 'convalescing' in his dressing room, except by convalescing he really means chatting up the cute brunette intern -- she's some lovestruck thing from below the Mason-Dixon line with dreams (or delusions) of grandeur. Ed had a nice conversation with her a little over a week ago; he wonders how it escaped him how obnoxious her laugh was, or how dull her hair was, or how pushy and clingy and irritating she was and he hoped she wouldn't last very long because they had more than enough interns already and she was really starting to piss him off --

'If the door's open, it generally means you don't have to skulk outside of it.' That's Stephen, leaning in close to Ed's ear and nearly getting his nose broken when Ed jumps and turns to face him.

'Son of a bitch,' is Ed's initial response. He really hates it when Stephen pulls shit like that, but if Stephen were lurking outside Jon's office sulking about a meeting with Ben Ed would certainly do the same thing, so he has to find something else to bitch about. So he adds, 'I'm not skulking.'

'I know skulking,' Stephen replies condescendingly, falling into his on-camera Geraldo-persona. 'Believe me, Helms, if there's anything I know it's skulking, and you're skulking.' He leans past Ed (and smells really nice, but not as nice as Rob probably smells and what the fuck is he talking about with that intern?) and grins and waves at Rob and the girl and the girl's eyes light up with a fangirlish delight at Stephen. Rob just frowns. Stephen backs away slightly, much to Ed's relief. 'Carry on,' he calls. 'Just had a question for Ed.' So the girl starts talking about some book or another, one of Al Franken's? Ed likes his books. So does Rob.

Ed would much rather he be the one discussing it with Rob.

'You're so skulking,' Stephen mutters, grinning fiercly. 'You're not any better at hiding it than I am.' He looks back into the office. 'Don't worry, though. You're much cuter than she is, I think.'

'Like it matters what you think,' Ed mutters. But then there's the intern and he has to fix a grin on his face and Stephen's smiling pleasantly and he wouldn't be doing that if interns were chatting up Jon, would he? The asshole.

'Mr. Colbert!' The girl's grinning -- fuck that grin -- pleasantly and bouncing on the balls of her feet a bit, clearly doing her best not to make herself look like an idiot, but it would be nice to have a comparison for Rob's sake, of some squealing girl and Ed looking dignified, wouldn't it? 'I loved This Week In God yesterday. I'm from Alabama, so -- that book banning thing, it's kind of personal. I remember when I first heard about it, I was hoping you guys'd say something ... so, um, I just wanted to ... uh, mention that.'

That's funny, she doesn't sound like she's from Alabama, but Ed's from Atlanta and he doesn't sound like it either, so he shouldn't say anything. Stephen just grins -- fuck his grin, too, the bastard -- and says, 'Thanks. It's a pretty unfortuante story -- folks should know about that kind of thing. It sucks it doesn't get any actual news coverage.'

The girl nods her agreement, but then checks her watch -- and notices that Ed's grin is becoming increasingly more strained -- and skitters off to do something or another.

'Ben won't like if you scare off one of the interns,' Stephen says smugly. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave -- I'd hate to force you to lurk in the shadows any longer than necessary.' And he goes off, straightening his blue tie again and seeming a lot more pleased with himself than he should and Ed's never that much of a dick to Stephen, is he? He should start being one, if he isn't already. It's something to keep in mind.

'Are you ever going to come in?' A piece of ice hits the wall across from Ed and he turns around, rolling his eyes as he spots Rob closing his makeshift Ziplock icepack back up. Rob just grins and adds, 'You've been there for ages. It was getting sort of creepy.'

Ed just shrugs and heads inside, checking the hall before closing the door behind him. 'I would've come in if you hadn't been so preoccupied.' He realizes that he must sound terribly jealous, and so he makes use of an exaggerated pout and flops down gracelessly on the couch. 'I didn't want to interrupt.'

Rob laughs and puts the icepack to the back of his head. 'You've never given a shit about interrupting before. You're just pissed that some girl got to come wish me well before you did.'

'Sam wished you well before I did,' Ed points out, though Ed likes Sam and knows that Sam is entirely different from an intern. 'So I don't care.'

'Sam's different,' Rob notes, apparently not aware that Ed knows this. He stretches a bit and pokes Ed idly in the leg with his foot. 'She's not a girl, she's Sam. You don't get jealous of Sam.' He grins again. Ed hates it when he does that, because he can't ever get all the way through the phrase 'fuck Rob's grin'; he can't ever get to the possessive and the noun without getting inappropriate ideas and Ed is never one to let a good idea pass him buy.

So Ed just shrugs again. 'Whatever. I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?'

Rob examines his icepack, wipes off the water accumulating on the outside on the couch, and then dumps the bag in Ed's lap. 'Happy early birthday,' he explains, looking far too pleased with Ed's discomfort. 'And you'd be jealous because you weren't the one wishing me well and talking about Al Franken books with me.' He handily halts Ed's attempt to move the bag by holding it firmly in place and squishing it contentedly.

'Right,' Ed replies distractedly, grimacing visibly. 'You're right. I'm jealous. I'm jealous because she didn't have some son of a bitch dropping soaking bags of ice in her lap.'

'It's not as funny if she's a girl,' Rob admits, and thank God he moves the bag (reluctantly, the dick) and, well, this part's not so bad, resumes the lazy petting. 'And I don't think she'd appreciate me the way you do.'

Ed's not grimacing now, he's just kind of melting into the couch, trying not to let that same stupid grin that Stephen wears after a long 'chat' with Jon creep on to his face, but it's hard to resist, and really, the petting's not so bad once the frozen bag's out of the way. 'Nobody could appreciate you like I do. It's impossible. Nobody else thinks that kind of shit is funny.'

Rob just smirks, looking thoroughly pleased at how much he's making Ed squirm -- once he said he thought it was sexy, watching Ed wriggle around so much, and Ed just kind of made some sort of stupid whimpering noise because Rob, when he had been saying that, was still intent on making Ed wriggle, and after a moment Ed becomes dimly aware that Rob is talking again. 'I said,' Rob repeats, looking even more pleased with himself for having to do this. 'You didn't think it was funny either.'

'S'funny if I do it to you,' Ed mutters. 'And -- holy shit, do it again, not the bag but the thing that and why did you quit?' He opens his eyes and frowns at Rob, who just shrugs and grabs him and hauls him closer.

'You're supposed to be the one wishing me well,' Rob notes. 'That's what you were waiting on. I don't see how me giving you a handjob is making me feel any better.'

'I wriggled,' Ed protests, though he's gleefully doing his best to get his hands down Rob's pants because he'd very much love to make Rob feel better any way he can. 'You love when you make me squirm like that.'

'I do,' Rob admits, lounging like Ed was just a few minutes ago and it really is comfortable so Ed won't protest. 'It's pretty hot. But that girl was kind of cute, too, really, and seemed pretty sensible. What do you think, she's twenty-three, maybe? Twenty-four? I swear she's not older than -- shit!' Rob's pants are off which makes things a hell of a lot easier and Ed's using more than his hands and wishing Rob well to the best of his abilities. 'Holy fuck ...'

'That's what we said,' Ed purrs, crawling up long enough to get a proper kiss. It's not very often he gets to be the one pinning Rob down so he'll gleefully seize the opportunity. 'You interrupted a perfectly good conversation with that stunt, ass.'

Rob's squirming, now, trying to coax Ed back down without actually pushing him. 'I know. I know. Sorry. I'll make it up to you later but Ed please could you do that again?'

Ed's very happy to oblige, of course, though he takes his sweet time because he took his sweet time coming in and he'd very much like to be consistent. 'Interns get fired for this stuff, you know,' he notes before doing that thing with his tongue that always makes Rob moan. Rob doesn't disappoint. 'I'd be willing to bet.'

But he tries his hardest to fix a grin on his face for longer than a fraction of a second, and around a few purrs and sighs and cursewords, manages an affectionate, 'Then I'll screw them all so it'll just be you again, baby.'

And so long as Ed's all Rob wants in the end, then Ed's not going to complain about how he gets it done.

Because Ed's never one to let a good idea pass him by.


Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'Viacom', any associated entites, or any copywrited material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, and is not intended to infringe upon any copywrited material.